When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.....so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'. And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's how the fight started.....
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes yo u just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.....
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's how the fight started.....
30 October 2008
How the Fight Started
29 October 2008
In Case You Weren't Scared Enough
Palin on "Fruit Fly Research"
"Where does a lot of that earmark money end up, anyway? [...] You've heard about, um, these -- some of these pet projects they really don't make a whole lot of sense, and sometimes these dollars they go to projects having little or nothing to do with the public good. Things like fruit fly research in Paris, France. I kid you not!"
It's hard to know where to begin deconstructing this statement. This was a speech on autism, and Palin's critics have pounced on the fact that a recent study of Drosophila fruit flies showed that a protein called neurexin is essential for proper neurological function -- a discovery with clear implications for autism research.
27 October 2008
Yá'át'ééh
Tony Hillerman, Novelist, Dies at 83 - NYTimes.com
Tony Hillerman, whose lyrical, authentic and compelling mystery novels set among the Navajos of the Southwest blazed innovative trails in the American detective story, died Sunday at Presbyterian Hospital in Albuquerque, The Associated Press reported.We'll miss your wonderful novels, Tony! Yá'át'ééh
One lucky dog
Fishermen catch a DOG a mile out in North Sea.
Two fishermen were left reeling in surprise when they caught a DOG a mile out at sea.
At first when they spotted the animal swimming against the tide they thought it was an otter, but when they realised that it was a dog the two lifted him on board.
Freddie, a 14-year-old cairn terrier, was later reunited with his owner - who revealed that he dislikes water so much that he hates taking a bath and avoids walking through puddles.
He had become disorientated in the fog while on a walk with owner Jean Brigstock and had slipped into the water as the 73-year-old searched frantically for him.
And instead of swimming back to shore at Amble, Northumberland, he had mistakenly struck out for the deeps of the North Sea.
Mrs Brigstock said: 'It was a beautiful day, and I was taking him on his usual walk, but all of a sudden, a heavy sea fret set in quickly, and I couldn't see Freddie anymore.
'I looked for him for hours, and others helped. There was no sign of him, but I was convinced he would eventually turn up.'
She added: 'I was desperate. He's my companion and he's so important to me.
'I knew he hated water so I thought he'd head for the dunes rather than the sea. It really didn't enter my head that he would swim.
'He rarely goes through a puddle and has an aversion to baths.'
But Freddie was found three quarters of a mile out to sea after a long doggy paddle and was rescued by trawlermen Jimmy and Alan Thompson from Red Row, Northumberland.
A lifeboat was launched to collect the dog because their trawler was not yet due to return to shore.
By chance, Mrs Brigstock's daughter Wendy, who had taken over the search for Freddie, came across the wife of one of the fishermen, who told her they had found a dog.
Mrs Brigstock adopted Freddie as her own three years ago after his previous owner, a friend, went into a nursing home and was no longer able to look after him.
She said: 'He looked like a drowned rat when they found him.
'I'm so grateful to the two fishermen, the Coastguard and the inshore lifeboat men who took so much trouble to find him and take him to safety.'
Sea-dog Freddie, 14, is no worse for wear after his ordeal. He was taken to the vets but found to be unscathed.
Mrs Brigstock said: 'Freddie is back to his normal self. I'm not surprised he survived - he's a bit of a character really.
'The night he was rescued, he was a little bit under the weather. He was quite quiet and feeling sorry for himself. But the next morning he was ready for his breakfast.
20 October 2008
14 October 2008
I'm Shocked, Shocked, I Say!
Palin has checkered history on ethics issues
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, whose reformer image took a hit in a report concluding she abused her powers to settle a family score, has skirted state ethics rules before for personal benefit and used her office to help friends and supporters, according to an Associated Press review of records.
13 October 2008
Palin mistakenly scolds her own supporters
Oops!
Palin was in the midst of blaming predatory lenders for the nationwide mortgage crisis when a large group of supporters in the rear of the crowd began demanding that someone turn up the volume on the event's speakers.
They chanted "Louder! Louder!" in unison, drawing the attention of other audience members, who began chanting "Sarah! Sarah!"
The vice presidential candidate apparently mistook them for some of the anti-war protesters that have disrupted some of her previous events.
"I would hope at least that those protestors have the courage and the honor of thanking our veterans for giving them the right to protest," Palin told them, drawing a roar from the crowd.
11 October 2008
10 October 2008
05 October 2008
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