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What makes America so Great!

Voters can vote to pick up free stuff on Election Day

Coffee
Starbucks expects to hand out "hundreds of thousands" of free 12-ounce drip coffees (valued at about $1.75 each), says spokeswoman Jenny McCabe. "If everyone who votes comes in for a free cup of coffee, we'll have some lines," she says.

Doughnuts
Some 85 of Krispy Kreme's 231 locations in the U.S. will hand out star-shaped, red-white-and-blue sprinkled doughnuts "while supplies last," says spokesperson Dana Hughens. The chain will give out about 200,000 doughnuts valued at 99 cents each. "People are definitely talking about the brand as a result of this," she says.

Ice cream
Between 5 p.m. and 8 p.m. in each time zone, Ben & Jerry's ice cream shops will hand out single-scoop ice cream cones (a $3.40 value). "What better way to encourage people to be politically active than to give away free ice cream?" asks spokeswoman Liz Brenna.

Sandwiches
In a local market promotion, several hundred of the nation's 1,400 Chick-fil-A stores will hand out $2.70 chicken sandwiches to adults who show proof that they voted, says spokesman Jerry Johnston.

In Case You Weren't Scared Enough

Palin on "Fruit Fly Research"

"Where does a lot of that earmark money end up, anyway? [...] You've heard about, um, these -- some of these pet projects they really don't make a whole lot of sense, and sometimes these dollars they go to projects having little or nothing to do with the public good. Things like fruit fly research in Paris, France. I kid you not!"

It's hard to know where to begin deconstructing this statement. This was a speech on autism, and Palin's critics have pounced on the fact that a recent study of Drosophila fruit flies showed that a protein called neurexin is essential for proper neurological function -- a discovery with clear implications for autism research.

Who's Nailin Paylin?

The first (SFW) minute of the latest porn spoof!

I'm Shocked, Shocked, I Say!

Palin has checkered history on ethics issues

ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, whose reformer image took a hit in a report concluding she abused her powers to settle a family score, has skirted state ethics rules before for personal benefit and used her office to help friends and supporters, according to an Associated Press review of records.

Palin mistakenly scolds her own supporters

Oops!

Palin was in the midst of blaming predatory lenders for the nationwide mortgage crisis when a large group of supporters in the rear of the crowd began demanding that someone turn up the volume on the event's speakers.

They chanted "Louder! Louder!" in unison, drawing the attention of other audience members, who began chanting "Sarah! Sarah!"

The vice presidential candidate apparently mistook them for some of the anti-war protesters that have disrupted some of her previous events.

"I would hope at least that those protestors have the courage and the honor of thanking our veterans for giving them the right to protest," Palin told them, drawing a roar from the crowd.

Ralph Stanley Endorses Barack Obama

If he's good 'nuf for Ralph, he's sure good 'nuf for me!

Michael Palin for President

John McCain picked the wrong Palin!

Get Out the Vote!

Doing a Heck of a Job! (?)

Underground FEMA fuel tanks could leak:

WASHINGTON - The government owns hundreds of underground fuel tanks — many designed for emergencies back in the Cold War — that need to be inspected for leaks of hazardous substances that could be making local water undrinkable.

The Federal Emergency Management Agency has known since at least the 1990s that tanks under its supervision around the country could be leaking fuel into soil and groundwater, according to Associated Press interviews and research.

The agency knows of at least 150 underground tanks that need to be inspected for leaks, according to spokeswoman Debbie Wing. FEMA also is trying to determine by September whether an additional 124 tanks are underground or above ground and whether they are leaking.

John McCain, a portrait...

But does he like to be dipped in milk?

(CNN) — Longtime Washington talk-show host John McLaughlin is facing fire Monday for referring to Barack Obama as an "Oreo" during a segment on his Sunday political program, "The McLaughlin Group.

Hillary Says She 'Misspoke' About Wrestling Bin Laden

Courtesy of The Huffington Post

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, who has been accused in recent days of padding her foreign policy resume while First Lady, admitted today that she may have exaggerated about an encounter she said she had with al-Qaeda terror mastermind Osama bin Laden in 1998.

In an appearance on NBC's Meet the Press on Sunday, Sen. Clinton told host Tim Russert, "I wrestled bin Laden in his cave in 1998 and had him pinned to the ground before the bastard got away."

But a review of Sen. Clinton's official White House schedule from that period revealed that the then-First Lady was nowhere in the vicinity of Mr. bin Laden on that day, but was instead greeting a group of honor roll students at Disney World in Orlando.

"I may have misspoke about what went on that particular day," Sen. Clinton said today. "But it was a very busy time for me, what with having that knife-fight with Kim Jong-Il and all."

Reporters peppered Sen. Clinton's new press spokesman with questions about another purported exploit of hers, in which the senator claimed that she and a ragtag team of blue-collar drillers deflected an asteroid on a collision course with the Earth.

"Everything Hillary Clinton says is true," said her new spokesman, the author James Frey.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com.

3 Generals Spurn the Position of War 'Czar'

How do you know that your time in office is pretty much doomed?
When you're fucking up executing a war on multiple fronts, & none of your generals want to run it... .

The White House wants to appoint a high-powered czar to oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan with authority to issue directions to the Pentagon, the State Department and other agencies, but it has had trouble finding anyone able and willing to take the job, according to people close to the situation.

Somalia targets survived, U.S. says

Source: Los Angeles Times

NAIROBI, KENYA — None of the three most-wanted Al Qaeda suspects believed to be hiding in southern Somalia were killed by a U.S. airstrike this week, a senior U.S. official here said Thursday.

Nice to know that we killed a bunch of innocent people & shot up the countryside for nothing.
Go, George!

The breast job that saved a life

Now all the guys are gonna want to touch 'em!
Breast implants save Israeli from rocket