20 February 2012
07 November 2008
30 October 2008
How the Fight Started
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.....so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'. And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's how the fight started.....
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes yo u just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.....
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's how the fight started.....
10 October 2008
07 September 2008
01 July 2008
LoveChess
Lovechess Age of Egypt features:
- Advanced 3d sex animations system with diverse and interesting variations.
- Different sceneries, each with their own unique atmosphere.
- Multiplayer gamemodes. Play Lovechess online or through LAN against a human opponent.
- A beautiful 3D Egyptian scenery with hand painted erotic art and realistic characters.
- New and improved Chess-engine, to challenge both beginning as expert players.
02 June 2008
22 May 2008
03 April 2008
06 December 2007
When I'm reincarnated
A pig called Babe is living a charmed life on a private island in the Bahamas.
04 December 2007
Fun coloring books for your kids (or grandkids)!
You & the kids will have hours of educational fun while you're in the car going to visit relatives this holiday season!
03 December 2007
Bender's Big Score
The film features return appearances by many of the recurring and one-shot characters in the series. Several of the notable ones include: the Nibblonians, Fry's dog Seymour, Barbados Slim, Robot Santa, the God space entity, Al Gore (played by himself), and Coolio as Kwanzaa-bot. It also introduces Mark Hamill as the Chanukah Zombie, a character mentioned by Kwanzaa-bot in an earlier episode.
Bender's Big Score and the three follow-up films will be turned into season five of Futurama on Comedy Central, each film comprising four episodes of the broadcast season.
12 October 2007
Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Norma
Dear Norma:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.
Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line.
If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold.
If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
20 November 2006
Apple's new mp3 player
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts, and not listening to them.
And give a whole new meaning to the term surround sound!
15 July 2006
Today's Horoscope
For Saturday, July 15 - Poke around some potential new hobbies or diversions today -- you're in need of a distraction to take your mind off negative influences that may be popping up in your life.Does an extra round of hot sex in the middle of the afternoon count as a potential new hobby?
'Cause it definitely counts as poking around!
12 July 2006
11 July 2006
Local Sports Editor Arrested by Karma Police
City editor: Do you think they give you your money back if your kid dies at Disney World?7 North Jefferson Street
Editor-in-Chief: No, but Mickey Mouse volunteers to be a pallbearer at the funeral.
Sports editor, in a Mickey Mouse falsetto: Hey guys, what's in the box?
Huntington, Indiana
Overheard by: tricky nikkivia Overheard in the Office, Jul 11, 2006.
25 November 2003
Aarrgh
So, of course, the purchasing office booked me into O'Hare International, which is on the other side of the freakin' city! And since it's a non-refundable ticket, I'm stuck with it.
There is plenty of time, so that's not an issue; it's just a pain in my tookus!